if only God can be everywhere…

God could not be everywhere, and therefore he created mothers.

Some time back we went to KKH for KZ’s checkup on his eyes.   His doctor was not pleased at all with his eyes.  She gave us one month to go back to her with KZ’s previous medical record from his previous doctor and old photos of his squint.   And she gave stern orders that KZ must patch his right eye for 3 hours daily.

3 hours daily.  It is very tough to do that.    The longest time we were told to patch was 2 hours daily, which was already tough enough for a 2-yr old then.  Now, he is 5.    Not only we have to deal with his sensory issues, we also have to deal with his gigantic ego.     He can say NO, he can take it out himself, he can fight his way out – just to get that eye patch off his eye.

To be fair, wearing the eye patch is uncomfortable.   If he is in cranky mood, he will tears and the patch will be wet and soggy and uncomfortable.   If he is in ok mood, the eye patch is stuffy and make his eye feeling warm and uncomfortable too.

For the last few weeks, i had forced, tricked, bluffed, threatened my way thru to get his right eye patched for 3 hours a day.    The doctor told me i can break the patching into 2 x 1.5hr daily.    i usually count myself lucky if i can get 2 hours in a day.    If he is willing to bear with it for 3,  he already made my day.    I got him a little book to keep his collection of stickers that he earned for every 1.5hr of patching his right eye.

On Monday, we were to return to KKH for the appointment.   Before we left the house, he reminded me to bring his “sticker book”.   Mentally, i made preparation to do what i need to do.  I rehearsed my lines and put on BB Cream to thicken my facial skin.    I put on light makeup and accessories to make myself the beautiful mother who knows no shame.

At the hospital, the first staff we came in contact is the lovely nurse who did our registration.   I remembered that she was also the one who did our payment during the last visit and she encouraged KZ to put his eye patch.   I gave her the biggest smile i could master and shoved KZ’s little sticker book right in front of her.  “Sister, do you remember Kai Zhi? You told him to put eye patch?  And these are all his stickers that he collected for putting his eye patch….”   I flipped thru his little book to show off his stickers.  i noticed a little tiny smile appeared on KZ’s lips.  I think he never expects his mother to show case his achievement like that.    The nurse was sweet.   She immediately gave a exaggerated surprise expression and she looked soooo please with KZ.   i told her in exaggerated tone, “Sister, to date, Kai Zhi has collected 90 stickers!  Isn’t he great?!!!”    The nurse pulled him aside and gave him two BIG pieces of Angry Birds stickers.   He was beaming like a little prince.

Every nurse, doctor and staff that we came into contact with, I did the same…. i shoved the little sticker book right into their faces and told them about how well my son did.   How proud i am of him and how much hard work he did….. To each of them, i always ended with this “to date, Kai Zhi has collected 90 stickers!  Isn’t he great?!!!!”    Some parents looking on, might thought that i was koo koo.

End of the day, the doctor was satisfied with his eyes’ condition and we were given another appointment in 4-month time.    The doctor said to KZ, “you know what, you are the BEST  ….” while flipping thru the pages of his sticker book.

That afternoon, KZ was the happiest boy at the Eye Centre, KKH.

End of the day, i was exhausted.   Mentally and emotionally exhausted.    I could not speak much or involve in much conversation.    It was like the stress built up in that afternoon had to be released out and my energy level which was depleted so drastically had to be refilled.    At one point of view, i was proud of my little hero to have such achievement.  Wonder how many kids have to bear the eye patch on the eye for 3 hours daily!!!  Not many can do it, i believe.   At another view, my heart ached as i showed off my son’s hardwork.   Everyday when he peeled off the sticky patch off his eye, strands of his eye brows will be pulled off at the same time.   As his mother, i feel his pain everytime  he peeled off the patch with “ouch ouch ouch…”    As proud as any mother showing off her son’s school results, i was as proud as a peacock showing off how many eye patches he had to bear with.   Each sticker on his little book cost him 1.5hr of comfort.   Each sticker on his little book is a prick in my heart.

Yesterday morning, while i was waiting for KZ to finish his therapy, i was drinking tea at coffeebeans when i suddenly burst out crying.  I was not particularly sad but just felt that i have to pour out my emotion or stress by crying out loud.   I dun know if anyone was looking at me, i just concentrated on my wailing.  It was a truly relaxing outburst that any ray of happiness was unwelcome.

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” Agatha Christie